I’ve been feverishly working on several class ideas that I want to offer here on the site and at my studio to help everyone feel freed up to play, experiment and gleefully wade into the creative experience again.

It’s taking much longer than I anticipated.

Partly because I tend to underestimate how long things take and partly because these are ambitious ideas that really do require a lot of thought, planning, and practice to be the way I want them to be.

Big, time-consuming projects that may or may not work out.

Oh the worrying! I mean, I really want to get it right–to create something great that will empower people. Oh the fretting! What if I make this class and no one wants to come? What if it’s all a mistake and I’ve “wasted my time.”

What then?

Risky Business

In order to really develop a big idea, to create something complicated or try something challenging, we have to invest time in what we’re doing, even when we’re not sure it’ll work out.

We have to choose a direction and wander down that path for quite a while before knowing if it’s a way through or a dead end.

It’s a risk, no doubt about it.

And when you have a finite amount of time to create, you might think, what if I do all that work, and then it’s for nothing? What if I waste my precious free time on a project that doesn’t work out in the end? Harsh.

When we do that though, it’s because we defined that time as “wasted,” not because it actually is wasted. And defining the time as “wasted” is not honoring the process.

Sigh.

So easy to say, so hard to feel.

You could be thinking to yourself, “I just spent 4 freaking months making this thing and then I realize here at the end that it just won’t work out for x, y, or z reason and you want me to honor the process! Gaaahhhhh, I’m devastated!”

Which is why we don’t want to take the risk on a big, hard or complicated idea.

And when you do and it doesn’t work out, you probably do need to throw yourself down on the bed and have a good cry, which might also involve some yell-explaining at your perplexed husband/partner when they don’t understand why your project is “ruined” and why you’re lying on the bed sobbing about a weird knitted thing they didn’t understand in the first place.

Or worse, when they say something along the lines of  “Yeah, I did think you spent an awful lot of money on those supplies.” Ugh.

So what to do?

Monday Morning Quarterbacks Need Not Apply

An important step to letting go of this fear is really embracing the fact that there was no other way to know what you know now except by doing it. Taking out your compass, choosing a direction and setting forth.

You had to take a leap of faith and give your idea time and attention in order to find out what you know now.

You couldn’t have skipped this step–not if you were “smarter” or “more together” or  “more talented” or just plain “somebody else”.

This is true, it’s just hard to really feel that it’s true.

It’s easy to see now what went wrong, because the “mistake” or “failure” has all already happened. Kicking yourself down the street after the fact is cheap, easy, and unfair.

And when your next project does work out, it’s because you tried the one that did not work out. Your successes basically have your “failures” to thank or they wouldn’t exist.

So it’s not that you or I were stupid to have worked on projects that “fail”, it’s that each/any unsuccessful attempt we make teaches us something we need to know in order to be able to create the next (successful) thing.

It’s basically a rule of the universe.

I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m just saying it’s a rule of the universe.

And buying into this law isn’t indulging yourself or letting yourself off too easy, it’s taking a real step toward being committed to your own happiness and to living your life with integrity.

Honoring your ideas with action when no one can guarantee your success takes some guts.

This is no small thing. But you are worth it.

And so am I.

Which is why, even though my fear and worry will continue to be low-grade background noise as I work, it’s time for me to get off the computer and attend to my class and project ideas to the best of my ability, to try to make something great.

Because if it doesn’t work out, I’ll still be a lot closer to getting it right than I was before I started.

What do you think? Do you have big ideas that you feel afraid to work on?  Do you stick to safe projects you know will work? Or do you have things you do to combat that fear that you can share? Please leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.