Do You Need Privacy?By
If you’re feeling stuck and it’s been a while since you’ve made anything, it can be hard to stick your neck out and try stuff in front of other people.
Even if these other people are your spouse or your kids.
Sometimes especially if these other people are your spouse or your kids.
And that’s okay.
You’re allowed to need some privacy to struggle and gnash your teeth and work through the yuck.
It’s normal to need this.
But maybe you’re worried. What if they don’t understand? What if needing that somehow hurts their feelings?
Well, they certainly might not understand why you need the privacy, and it might feel strange that you want to not share what you’re working on, especially if you usually share most everything else.
But it doesn’t have to make sense that you need to be by yourself to start making again, you just do.
And your family does want you to be happy, but they can’t read your mind.
If you don’t tell them what you need, they can’t give it to you.
If you find yourself in this quandary of needing some privacy to create but not knowing how to talk about it, I thought I’d provide some concrete suggestions in order to help you start thinking about this issue in a new way, so that you can start talking about it and move forward.
Below are some ice breaker options for broaching this topic. Would any of these work for you?
“So I’ve gotten myself all twisted up about this thing I want to do, and even though it probably makes no sense, I just need to work by myself for a little while in order to get started again–maybe even a couple of times a week…just for 20–30 minutes at first–could you watch the kids while I do that?”
“I know we always do stuff together, and I love that, but I realize I’m not making any art anymore, and for some reason, because it’s been so long, I need to struggle through it privately–I know you always support me and believe in me, but it’s like I have to get over some hump I don’t quite understand–and for some reason, I just can’t have any witnesses at the moment.”
“I realize that I want to be by myself and work on my art a little every day, but I’ve been worried that I’ll hurt your feelings if I say that–and then I realize that I’m just not making anything at all as a result. Can we talk about it?”
“I’ve been really stuck with my creativity and I’m really bummed about it. And now, at this point, I feel so rusty I think whatever I make is going to be really bad. I realize that I need to have a little time by myself a couple of times a week to get myself started again–what do you think?“
“It’s hard for me to admit this because I feel silly, but your opinion matters so much to me, that I can’t make stuff in front of you right now because I’m worried you won’t think I’m talented. I know that shouldn’t matter, but it does…Sooooo, I’d like to use the upstairs guest room to work on my art stuff by myself a couple of times a week for a while without you coming in and checking it out–does that feel weird?”
and maybe for your kids:
“Here’s a timer–I’m setting it for 20 minutes. I’m going to work in my art room and I can’t be disturbed while it’s ticking–except for an emergency—and an emergency is if someone is hurt. Once the timer goes off, I’m all yours again. So if you want to talk to me, check the timer, if it’s still ticking, you need to write down what you wanted, and ask me afterward.”
What do you think? Do you struggle with this? Have you struggled with it in the past–what did you say to get yourself the privacy you need? Leave a comment and let me know what you think!